102. Self-Harm Awareness Month: How to Support Students

Carol: You're listening to the Counselor Chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy. I'm Carol Miller, your host.

I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students. If you're looking for a little inspiration to help you make a big impact on student growth and success, you're in the right place.

Because we're better together. Ready to chat. Let's dive in.

Carol: There, school counselors. Welcome back to Counselor Chat. This is really your go to podcast for all things school counseling. This where we tackle the tough stuff with a little mix of insights, some strategies and and sometimes just a dash of humor to keep us all sane.

I'm Carol Miller and today we are diving into a topic that's serious,

it's important,

and one that, well, quite frankly, many of us wish we didn't have to deal with at all. But we do. It's Self Harm awareness month and that means we're talking about how to support students who self harm, what to look for, what to do,

and how to approach this with confidence instead of that. Oh, no, what do I do now? Panic.

Now, before we start, let me just say this is a heavy topic, but we're in this together. And by the end of this episode, I'm hoping that, that you're going to have some practical strategies to help your students that are struggling with self harm.

Because I know that in this job we can. Sometimes we feel a lot, and that's okay.

All right,

deep breath.

Let's do this.

Okay, so first things first. What exactly is self harm?

At its core,

self harm is when someone is intentionally hurting themselves as a way to cope with emotional pain or distress or these overwhelming feelings that they have.

The most common form is cutting.

And I can tell you from a lot of experience that was probably the best biggest form of self harm that I saw, particularly at the high school level. When I worked at the high school, I worked with a lot of students that cut.

But let's not forget about things like burning or scratching,

hitting oneself,

or even pulling out hair. And I've had kids that have done all of those things.

Now, the big misconception, the people that say they're just doing it for attention.

Nope, not at all. Because students who self harm, they're not doing it for the shell. They are doing it because they're struggling and they don't have the coping skills to Manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Think of it this way. When some people get stressed, they eat the ice cream straight from the carton.

Are you feeling a little guilty right now? I kind of am because I am that. I'm that person. I am the eating the ice cream out of the carton stress eater.

Some people binge watch Netflix,

some people dive into a book.

And some people self harm. And for students who self harm, the physical pain is a way to distract from the emotional pain. And once the cycle starts, it can be really hard to stop.

Now here's another little reality check.

If avoiding emotions was an Olympic sport, I think middle schoolers would take the gold because there were a lot of middle schoolers that I've worked with too that were total emotion avoiders.

But let's talk really warning signs. Because as school counselors, we're kind of like detectives, only instead of solving crimes, we are solving the emotional puzzles.

So here are a few red flags that a student really might be self harming. You see unexplained cuts, bruises or burns, particularly on their arms, their thighs, maybe even their stomachs.

Usually they're areas that can be easily covered. I can't tell you how many times kids in the middle of the 90 degree weather would be wearing these sweatshirts and I, I just knew.

Or they'd have a million bracelets on their arm and I'd have to say, can you like pull that sleeve back a little bit or let, let's move those bracelets so I can take a little peek.

I've also had some kids that they did it between their toes or kind of in their bikini line area on their upper thigh,

lots of places that we can't easily see. They do wear those long sleeves or their pants, like I said, even when it's 90 degrees outside.

And no, my friends, they're not just really into hoodies. They are doing it to hide something that they don't want you to see.

They might even refer to like frequent accidents. They have it,

you might know this one, you might have heard it, oh, my cat scratched me and they don't even have a cat.

Or I, I fell down and I cut myself on a blah, blah, blah. But yeah, usually they're. First they're going to say they're going to blame it on the cat that they don't have and then they're going to blame it on other things.

You might even see some blood stains on their clothing, maybe on tissues, maybe they keep dabbing their arm with a tissue, maybe even see it on some of their personal belongings.

You could also,

you might see some emotional distress or maybe they're going through some withdrawal because self harm, it's often linked to anxiety, some depression, or maybe even some past trauma.

You might even notice them that they're constantly carrying a sharp object,

safety pins,

glass shards,

razor blades, maybe it's a pencil sharpener where you're noticing, you know, the little ones that you carry around and the blade comes on and off.

But here's the tricky part.

Most students who self harm, they don't want anyone to know. They're going to go out of their way to hide it. Which really means you have to be extra observant and you also have to be intentional when building their trust because you just can't say, arms out, let me see it,

roll up your sleeves,

they're going to just run from you.

Here, I think are some things that you can do without freaking out.

So when you suspect a student is self harming, the first rule is really to stay calm. The last thing a student needs is for you to react with shock or fear or panic.

And I know it's tough, but the goal here is to be a safe, steady presence for them. And here's how I think you can handle the conversation. You want to find a really private, non threatening setting because nobody wants to talk about their deepest struggles in the hallway between lunch and math class.

You also want to ask some open ended, non judgmental questions. Instead of why are you hurting yourself?

I want you to try this instead.

I've noticed you've been covering your arms lately. Is everything okay?

You also need to validate their emotions.

I can see that you're dealing with a lot.

I want you to know you're not alone and I want to help.

And here's the thing, as hard as this may seem,

don't demand that they stop immediately because self harm is a coping mechanism and just telling them to stop is like telling someone to just stop being anxious.

Instead, you have to start focusing on replacing the self harm with healthier coping skills.

I can't tell you how many times I have taken those little shards of whatever sharp thing that they had and I would hand them a red sharpie or some sort of red marker and I'm like, use this.

Mark up your hands with this because,

and I always picked red because of course it kind of looks like blood. And I don't mean to be obnoxious about this, but for some of our kids, they need to see that, release that visual,

like there's my emotion. Right there on my arm or my leg or wherever it happens to be. So that red marker can be that visualization that they need right then and there.

Or the ice cube. Maybe it's the sensation of the ice, the coldness and how it melts and it runs down their arm.

But they need to really replace that self harm with something healthier. And you can't just go to a breathing technique. You need something kind of in the middle there because you have to teach them healthier habits.

And it's not, we're going to talk about it once and it's immediately going to happen.

It takes time. It takes maybe even a lot of time.

You also have to get support and you have to involve the right people.

There's parents, there's guardians,

and you have to let them know without judgments.

Because parents, they often react emotionally. Why didn't I know this? How could my kid be doing this? Oh my gosh, I'm failing as a mom. I didn't even see this.

So you have to help them understand the best way to support their, their, their child, their kiddo.

And you have to make that mental health referral. Because if you can connect the student with outside counseling, because this is a heavy load for in school,

outside of school is really best.

I want you to think of yourself as that, as that emotional emt. I mean, you are not performing the surgery. Your job is to just stabilize the situation and get the student the help that they need.

So let me give you some easy to implement support strategies because I want you to know how you can support the students without adding another 10 things to your plate.

I know you're busy enough already. So here are some simple but really effective strategies.

Create a coping skills toolbox with them. I mean, have the students fill a small box with maybe some sensory items like stress balls or fidget toys, maybe even some textured fabric or you know, like the hook and eye,

the velcro, some pieces of that, and maybe some, even some go to strategies like breathing exercises or some affirmations and have them build this little toolkit. You can also do some journaling and maybe some art therapy with them.

And encourage the students to express their emotions through writing or drawing and to do that instead of self harm and to also teach some grounding techniques. The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method.

Identify five things they see, four things they feel, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste.

Because we want to shift from all those random thoughts flying around in their head to the here and the now and how can we be safe here and now?

And something that I've tried but haven't really used a lot is some progressive muscle relaxation where you tense and release different muscle groups.

I personally have never found this that helpful, but I can tell you honestly that some of my kids thought this was great.

So maybe some progressive muscle relaxation.

I think with these kiddos you also want to build like a check in system because a simple how are you doing at the start of the day, it can really make a big difference for them.

And if you can schedule some regular check ins for your high risk students and these check ins, they don't have to be a long time. Like I said, stop by every morning on your way to first period or come and let me know how things are going before you go to lunch.

And then the other thing that we can do with them is really help them create a safety plan. This is going to be their step by step guide for for what to do instead of self harm.

When that urge really hits my friends, I know self harm, it's tough and it's really heartbreaking to see kids in pain. And I know sometimes it feels like no matter how much we do, it's just not enough.

But let me tell you this,

by you showing up,

listening and supporting students,

it does make a difference healing.

It's not instant and it's not linear. But when students know that they have a safe person to turn to and that's you, it's the first step in the right direction.

Let's not forget my friends, that you are doing incredible work. The moments that you sit with a student in their pain, the moments that you offer them hope and you remind them that they're not alone.

You know, those moments that you have with them that you're doing, that that means everything to them.

So take care of yourself,

lean on your support system and know that the work that you do matters so much more than you realize.

That's it. That's our session for today.

Until next time, my friends, I hope you have a great week. I also hope that you don't have to deal with any of this self harm stuff. But it's so important that during this month of self harm awareness that we do talk about it.

So until next time, have a great week.

Bye for now.

Carol: Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and at counselingessentials.org podcast. Be sure to hit follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast player.

And if you would be so kind to leave a review. I'd really appreciate it. Want to connect? Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram at Counseling Essentials until next time.

OK Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.