95. Mastering the Art of Small Talk in Counseling Sessions

Carol: You're listening to the Counselor Chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy. I'm Carol Miller, your host.

I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students. If you're looking for a little inspiration to help you make a big impact on student growth and success, you're in the right place.

Because we're better together. Ready to chat? Let's dive in.

Carol: Hello, counselor friends. Welcome back to Counselor Chat. It's Carol here, and today I thought we would talk all about mastering the art of small talk in our counseling sessions.

Now, it might seem really small, but it's a really big deal.

Small talk in counseling sessions is, let's face it, it's an art of itself.

And let's be real small talk, it can feel awkward, like, hey, what's your favorite pizza topping? Awkward. But when we use it intentionally, it's a really powerful tool for building trust, breaking the ice, and setting the stage for deeper conversations.

So today I thought we'd really explore how small talk can really help us build rapport with students, how we can balance our casual chitchat with our therapeutic goals, and some fun prompts to really break the ice.

So grab your favorite counseling mug and let's just get into it. Are you ready?

So first things first. Why does small talk matter in counseling? Isn't it just a filler, my friends? Not at all. Small talk, it's like the warmup before the workout. It creates a sense of safety and connection, which, let's face it, it's especially important when working with students who might be a little bit hesitant to open up.

Have you ever worked with those kids where we're almost like pulling teeth to try to get them to talk to you?

And think about it. When a student walks into your office for the very first time, they're probably feeling a mix of curiosity, some. Some anxiety, or maybe even that outright resistance.

Well, small talk can really help break down those barriers.

It shows them that you're approachable and that your office is a safe space. For myself, I really became the master of small talk this year when I decided to invite every first grade student to lunch with the counselor.

I mean, I didn't work with kindergarten students last year, so I really didn't know them. And I wanted to get to know them because this year I have first graders.

And I also wanted to use that time to not only get to know them, but I wanted to decide who might need group counseling as we were heading into the year.

I know a lack of social skills can be a problem for these little loves, and I wanted to scope things out for myself.

So I invited them all into my room in groups of three to four students. And then I pulled out my jar of icebreakers. Now, the one thing I can tell you is if you can bond over something like a shared love of pizza or some Marvel movies, you've instantly gone from that scary adult to the cool counselor.

And let's be honest, who doesn't want to be the cool counselor now? Research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology.

It highlights that the first few minutes of any session are often filled with small talk.

And that can significantly impact the quality of your therapeutic alliance.

So those seemingly trivial conversations, they're really doing some of the heavy lifting for you.

But.

And there's a but. There's a fine line between casual conversation and a full on chat.

And that's where balance comes in.

So small talk is great, but it's not the main event. The trick is to really use it as the bridge to the deeper work. And here are three tips to really strike that balance.

First, you have to set the tone. You have to start with a casual question to ease into the conversation, like how was your weekend? Or did anything fun happen at lunch today?

And once the student is relaxed, you can really gently pivot to the purpose of the session. For example, I'm so glad you had fun at the soccer game. Speaking of teamwork, how are things going with your group project?

See how I changed that a bit?

Guess what we're working on?

The other thing is to really be mindful of time because it's easy to get carried away, especially when a student starts talking about something they're passionate about. I will say I do have a rule in my office that they're not allowed to talk about video games.

They love them, but it can be overwhelming and a time suck because all they want to talk about are those games.

So I'll use small talk around other topics and then ease into our main event. If you are still guiding these conversations, it can be really easy to get carried away.

So you have to be able to use some gentle cues to really steer the conversation back. You could use phrases like, that sounds amazing. But let's circle back to what brought you here today.

Remember, we want to be intentional. We want to get to the big picture. And we also have to tie the small talk to big things.

You need to find a way to connect the casual topics to the student's goals. For instance, if a student talks about their favorite video game, you might explore themes of perseverance, strategy, or problem solving.

Overall, you really want to think of small talk as the appetizer and the therapeutic goals as your main course.

No one comes to the dinner party just for the breadsticks. Well, unless of course, you're at Olive Garden. But then it's debatable.

Remember, students often reveal a lot about themselves during small talk. Their hobbies, their struggles, and even their tone can give you some valuable insight. So you have to listen closely.

When I was meeting with all of those first graders, I I really paid attention to how well they listened to other kids, how they were able to stay on top of a conversation and keep up with it, how they were focused or not focused, how they even answered the questions.

And I really learned a lot about them.

I gained a lot of insight.

But you do. You have to listen closely.

But let's talk about the fun stuff, the icebreakers and the prompts. Because if you're not sure how to get the ball rolling, here are some tried and true options. The Would you rather Questions Kids love a good Would you rather One of my favorites is Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?

Oh my gosh, what they say about this. It is hilarious.

Or how about this one? Would you rather eat tacos forever or only pizza forever?

I mean, they're light and they're silly and they're a great way to gauge a student's personality. And if you are all on the taco train, you really have that nice tie.

And with them forever, you could also talk about their favorite things. So what's your go to song right now?

Or if you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

You could have them dream big. Like if you could design your dream school, what would it look like? Or if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

And then don't forget the hypotheticals. If you woke up tomorrow as the principal, what's the first thing you change?

Most of my kids are going to tell me that school is canceled.

But my other favorite hypothetical is if you were a chicken nugget, what kind of sauce would you want to be dipped in?

Barbecue or ketchup? What do you think was the most popular answer? I can tell you it's not the hot mustard sauce from McDonald's. That's my choice.

But for most of them it's ketchup.

And even if a student ever responds with I don't know, don't worry, you just have to pivot. I once had a student answer, what's your favorite food? With air?

But we still manage to laugh and move on.

The beauty of these questions is that they're easy, they're engaging, and they often lead to unexpected insights. They're kind of like conversation popcorn. They're light, they're fun, and they're perfect for getting things started.

If you are looking for some great conversation starters, I'm going to add a few links in the show notes for you. These are some of my absolute favorites. And the kids, they really enjoyed them.

So there you have it. The Art of Small Talk and Counseling Sessions. Remember, small talk. It isn't just a filler, it's a tool. It builds rapport, it sets the tone, and it creates a safe space for students to open up.

And as you practice these strategies, don't be afraid to let your personality shine through. Your warmth, your authenticity.

Those are the things that make students feel comfortable.

And hey, if you find yourself talking about pineapple on pizza for five minutes, that's okay too, because you're building trust one slice at a time.

If you found today's episode helpful, don't forget to share it with a colleague or two.

And if you haven't done so already, don't forget to subscribe to Counselor Chat so you never miss an episode. And if you have a favorite small talk question, tag me on social media at CounselingEssentials.

Make sure you share it with me because I'd love to hear your favorite go to Icebreakers as well.

Anyway, keep up those conversations. Keep meeting with those kids.

The work you do matters, and you are doing incredible things.

Until next time. I hope you have a really great week. Bye for now.

Carol: Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and at counselingessentials.org

podcast. Be sure to hit follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast player. And if you would be so kind to leave a review, I'd really appreciate it. Want to connect?

Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram at Counseling Essentials until next time. Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.