92. Breaking Up with Overcommitment: Learning to Say No in the New Year

Are you constantly saying “yes” to everything and feeling overwhelmed? In this episode of Counselor Chat, we’re tackling a topic that hits home for many school counselors: overcommitment. As natural helpers, we often feel the urge to take on more, but saying yes to everything can quickly lead to burnout.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

🎯 Why overcommitment is so common among school counselors

🎯 The real reason saying no feels uncomfortable — and how to move past it

🎯 How to reframe your no as a yes to what matters most

🎯 Three practical strategies to help you say no with confidence and kindness

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🎯 Wisdom from Brené Brown and Steve Jobs on boundaries and focus

Transcript

Carol: You're listening to the Counselor Chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy. I'm Carol Miller, your host.

I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students. If you're looking for a little inspiration to help you make a big impact on student growth and success, you're in the right place because we're better together.

Ready to chat. Let's dive in.

Carol: Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Counselor Chat. I am so excited that you're here with me today. Thank you for joining me and welcome my friends to 2025. I took a couple weeks off for the holidays.

I just thought that it was important for all of us to take a little rest and just spend some time with the ones that we love and not really think about school counseling.

But we are back for 2025 and today we are tackling a topic that I think hits home for so many of us and that is breaking up with over commitment and learning to say no.

I think this is especially important, especially as we're stepping into a new year. Let's face it, we are about halfway through our school year and this is the time where things start piling on.

Now, if you're a school counselor, I know that you're a natural helper and you probably hear a plea for help and think, sure, I can add one more thing to my plate.

And before you know it, you're juggling so many plates, my friends, you're auditioning for Cirque du Soleil.

Let's face it, saying no, it isn't easy, but it's so essential. And today we are talking about why over commitment happens, why it's so hard to stop, and a few practical strategies to help us break that cycle.

Plus, we'll also sprinkle in some wisdom from some educational and business pros to really help guide us.

So let's talk about why we over commit in the first place. And here's the truth. We say yes because it feels good. I mean, we want to help. We want to be a team player.

And let's face it, and let's be real, sometimes we're afraid of disappointing others.

But here's the kicker. Saying yes to everything often means saying no to what's most important.

Brenny Brown, researcher and let's face it, author extraordinaire, she's once said, choose discomfort over resentment. Let me repeat that for you. Choose discomfort over resentment. In other words, it's better to feel the awkwardness of saying no a fret than to stew in our own frustration later on because we've over committed.

Have you ever done that? Does that sound familiar? Because I know personally I've done that myself.

I think as counselors the stakes sometimes feel high and we might think if I don't step up, who will? Sometimes you might even say, oh, well, if I don't do it, is my job going to be on the line?

Are they going to pick somebody else to do it for me?

But let's borrow a page from the business world. Now, Steve Jobs, he once said, focus is about saying no.

And Apple became a powerhouse because they concentrated on doing fewer things exceptionally well. Imagine applying that same philosophy to your counseling program.

You don't have to do everything to be effective. In fact, doing less can make you become even more effective.

I like to say less is more. Less is more.

So let's talk about now some strategies of how we can start saying no in the first place. All right, this is the how. So I have three practical strategies to help you say no with confidence.

You ready for the first one? Here it is. Strategy 1. Reframe your no as a yes.

Let me say that one more time. Reframe your no as a yes. Now, you might be thinking right about now, but Carol, you just told me that I need to say no.

So why are you now saying reframe it as a yes?

And. And when you say no to one thing, you're really saying yes to something else. Maybe that's more time for lesson planning, self care, or focusing on Tier 2 interventions.

You have to reframe your no as a positive decision.

So instead of saying I can't help with this committee, try I need to prioritize my time for student interventions right now.

Do you see the difference? It's not just a no, it's a yes to your core mission.

Here's strategy number two. Use the pause and prioritize technique. So before committing pause and evaluate, you need to ask yourself three questions. One, does this align with my goals?

Two, will this genuinely make an impact? And three, what will I need to give up to take this on?

There's a simple phrase that has been going around and I've used myself, and it goes like this. Let me check my priorities and get back to you.

This gives you the space to decide without the pressure of an immediate answer.

So let me check my priorities and I'll get back to you and Strategy three the Polite Decline.

Sometimes a straightforward but polite decline is all you need. And here's a script for that one. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I'm at capacity right now.

Or how about this one? I'm flattered you thought of me, but I can't give this the attention it deserves.

Notice how these responses are respectful but firm.

They protect your time without burning any bridges.

So here's a few things that I've encountered over the last year or so. That last minute request, you know, the one where your principal comes in and asks you to organize a school wide event like next week.

Yikes. But instead of panicking, here's what you can say. I'd love to help plan something impactful, but with the short timeline, I can't commit to this right now. Could we brainstorm a future date?

Or what about this one? That extra committee you're invited to join? Yet another committee.

Try this. I appreciate the invitation, but I'm focusing my energy on the committees I'm already a part of to make sure I give some quality contributions to them.

Or what about the overeager colleague, the teacher that wants you to co teach a new unit?

Now, normally I would be all about this, but there are times that this can't happen. Right now I am. I have a pretty far drive to work and let's face it, I do a lot of stuff and so I just don't have time.

So instead of saying that sounds like a good idea, I'm happy to help.

How about that sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately, my schedule is full, but I'm happy to share some resources to support you.

I know for me personally, this is an easier one to do because I have plenty of resources.

So that sounds like a great idea. I'm full, but let me give you some stuff.

So the key here, my friends, is that you need to balance empathy with boundaries. You're not leaving others in the lurk. You're setting a standard for how your time and energy are used.

So here's my final thoughts.

Saying no. It isn't selfish. It's really. It's strategic. It's about protecting your time so you can focus on what truly matters. Remember, every no is a yes to something else.

So this year let's stop treating over commitment like a badge of honor and start treating boundaries as the superpower that they are. I mean, you deserve it and so do the students and programs you're here to support.

So my friends, I hope that this empowers you to really break up with that over commitment and focus on the amazing things that you are currently doing. Because I know you're doing amazing things.

So thank you for joining me on this episode of Counselor Chat. If you found today's discussion helpful, I'd love if you would share it with a colleague who might need a little extra help to break up with their over commitment.

And until next time, I hope you have a great week. Bye for now.

Carol: Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and at counselingessentials.org/podcast. Be sure to hit follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast player. And if you would be so kind to leave a review, I'd really appreciate it. Want to connect?

Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram at Counseling Essentials. Until next time. Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.