57. What I Wished I Knew Earlier In My School Counseling Career

In this episode of the Counselor Chat podcast, I share insights into what I wish I had known earlier in my career as a school counselor. We explore the lessons learned from over three decades in the field, and I offer practical advice to both new and experienced counselors. Join me as I discuss key topics like setting boundaries, understanding contracts, and the importance of retirement planning, along with insights from other counselors in our Facebook group.

Key Takeaways:

  • Mentoring New Counselors: I talk about my experience mentoring a brand new counselor in our district and what I’ve learned from guiding someone at the start of their journey.
  • Retirement Planning: I delve into the importance of having a retirement plan early on and share my personal experience with starting late and trying to catch up.
  • Checking Contracts: I emphasize the significance of reading your contract thoroughly, focusing on more than just the salary. I discuss why understanding benefits, healthcare coverage, and other terms is critical.
  • Boundaries and Work-Life Balance: I discuss the need for boundaries to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy work-life balance. We explore the benefits of setting clear boundaries to separate work from personal life.
  • Counselors Need Counselors: I talk about the importance of seeking help when needed and how counselors should not hesitate to seek their own support.
  • Advice from the Community: I share insights from other counselors, including advice on maintaining a positive outlook, embracing flexibility, and setting boundaries with colleagues and students.

Upcoming Events:

  • 2024 Summer Counselor Conference: I’m thrilled to announce our upcoming summer conference happening from July 26-28. It will feature over 40 sessions and two keynotes, covering a wide range of topics relevant to school counselors. Join us for an enriching experience and a chance to connect with fellow counselors.

2024 Summer Counselor Conference Registration Info Wait List

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Transcript

Carol: You're listening to the counselor chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy. I'm Carol Miller, your host. I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students. If you're looking for a little inspiration to help you make a big impact on student growth and success in the right place, because we're better together. Ready to chat? Let's dive in.

Carol: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Counselor Chat. I am so happy that you're here with me again this week. And today I thought we would talk a little bit about what we wish we knew earlier in our career. You know, recently we have in my district, we just hired a brand new counselor. She just graduated in December and she started about a month and a half ago and she's brand new to us and we're getting to know her. She doesn't work in my building, she works in another one. But I have been asked to be her mentor. And so I'm really excited about that because I've been doing this for a while now and I feel like, hey, I have some stuff that I can share and thinking about what I wish I knew earlier in my career. There's like a lot of things and unfortunately, like, I'm sure, I know, I know I've said this before, but I've been doing this for over three decades now. And there are things that I'm still recently learning or just doing now that I really wish I had started a whole lot earlier. And some of those are just little things like having a retirement, like my own retirement plan and things like that. Like I really wish that I had started that sooner because I started, I feel like really late in the game and now I'm really trying to play catch up because one day I think I want to retire. It's probably not going to be anytime soon, but there is that, that thought of one day I will retire. I do have to get kids out of college and all that stuff, but had I had started this process sooner, it really would have made a big difference. But besides starting my own retirement plan, I mean, there's other things to think about, too. When I started the position that I'm at right now, this is my fifth year in the district. And one thing that I didn't, that I did do five years ago, but I didn't do the time before that was really check my contract when I got hired, and when I'm talking about checking your contract, I mean, not only how much are you going to get paid and what else is in there, but you really have to understand the benefits and the other things that you are getting, in particular healthcare. Because as I have come to notice and realize, health care benefits change a lot from school to school, district to district. And some healthcare plans are fabulous and some not so great. And in New York state, and I know a lot of states are like this, some states are different, but depending, the healthcare benefits that you receive when you retire can also depend on how many years that you've worked. In the district that I'm at right now, I'm really lucky. I only have to work five years to be vested for the healthcare benefits when I retire. But in other schools it was 15 or 20 years. Some even said, hey, we're going to cut you off at 62 when Medicaid kicks in, and then you're not on a district plan anymore. So you really have to be careful and read those contracts and see what else is in there. You might also want to check things like holidays and vacations and what happens if you take off a day, a personal day before a major vacation. Are you allowed to do that? Are you not allowed to do that? All these little things that kind of matter. But there are some other things that I really wish I had done or had known about earlier in my career, too. And I even asked this question in our elementary school counselor exchange Facebook group, and I had a ton of people respond. And so I thought it would also be fun to share a little bit some of those responses that I received, and they range my friends in all different kinds of responses. And I'm going to intermix those responses with some of my own personal thoughts as well. Here's one, though, from Melissa, and she says that boundaries can make or break you in this world. And that is so, so true, because the boundaries that you set for yourself really do either make or break you in this position. If you and I talked about this last time on the podcast, too, if you don't set those boundaries, if you don't put that as, as part of your circle of control, the things that you are in control of, you can really be setting yourself up for disaster. You can be overworked, overstressed, and on the job mode 24 hours a day. And my friends, you need to be able to turn that off. You can't wear your counselor hat all the time. There are other hats that we have in our lives as well, and you have to be able to wear them interchangeably so boundaries can make or break you. I also love Rebecca's response, and hers was, no is a complete sentence. I think I still have trouble with this myself. And understanding that you don't need any explanation. You can just say no. No means no. Kara also left one, and it says, don't do different character traits as lessons. Monthly do units of lessons based on student needs or the data. Otherwise they'll never reach proficiency. That's really good advice, too, because it's really great to be able to do character traits. And I know when I was in middle school, I tried to do a monthly character trait with some of my lunch groups, but really, those weren't the things that were going to move the needle in the right direction of my program. And I think your program does have to be done. You have to create your lessons based on student needs. So you really do have to start with some sort of survey as to what's needed. What are our kids lacking? What are the skills that we really have to work on? Because your program should really be psychoeducational in nature. You should not only provide that emotional health and wellness aspect of it, but you also have to provide them the training so that they know how to regulate their emotions or understand how to cope or to understand different perspectives and to show empathy towards others. So having and doing those lessons, you really need to do based on what your kids deficits are. Lauren's advice is, you can't change the world. You won't mesh with some kids, and that's okay. It's not your job to be a savior. When I first was a counselor, I had a mentor, and he said, you can't save them all. Not everybody wants to be saved. People have to be an active participant in the counseling process. You know, there was a joke that was going around there for a while. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? And the answer is simply one. But the light bulb has to be willing to change. And that is so true. We can't change everyone. We have to work with the kids that are really going to be working with us. Angela, her advice was not to stress. When you can't do everything, do what you can and accept that is okay. Once again, that goes back to the circle of control that I talked about last week. Yeah, do everything, and that is perfectly fine. You have to be able to really, once again, set those boundaries and know that some things are just totally out of our control. Maybe it's when we are working with teachers or we're working with families, sometimes they're going to accept our advice and sometimes they are not. And we just have to understand that it is what it is. And I'm just going to do the very best that I can, working with what I can control. And I love Lindsey's advice that she shares. And she says my worth and impact are not determined by one teacher or one principal and to have confidence in myself rather than seeking validation from others. She's right, because we aren't going to be liked by everyone and that is okay. We're also not going to like everyone ourselves. And that again is okay. But who we are and our core beliefs and we have to give ourselves that, hey, I'm a good person. I'm doing the best job I can. I am okay here. So don't, if you get upset, just let it go. It's not worth the stress. Pam also says that not everyone truly knows what school counseling involves and that you have to educate and advocate. And I'm going to add to that, Pam, and say that before we can actually advocate, we have to educate. And I've been saying that for a really long time because people don't know what we do. And that's why on for school counseling week, it's really our job to help educate individuals. And although we said, oh, they know what I do in my building, parents may not all know, or if you think they do, it's not all the parents know. You might have one or two that you work closely with that understand your roles and your responsibilities. But it really is our job to shape this profession, to work together as a collaborative group, to really make sure that people do know what we do and that our roles are clearly defined. Because once we start working together as a collaborative unit, we are also going to find that people don't use us for those extra duties that we're not saying, hey, you know, you have five different lessons that you have to do today, plus three lunch duties and a bus duty. And don't forget that you have to be responsible for all these five hundred four s. And the list keeps growing on and on and on. When we can really come together and educate and advocate for ourselves, it's just better for everyone in general. Mary Beth wants to remind everybody that you're going to mess up and that's okay. You don't have to be perfect and some lessons and groups will be horrible. Fix what needs fixing and move on. You won't damage any student because of a bad lesson. And some groups need to focus on the check in rather than the activity. We do have to be flexible. That is 100% true, because sometimes we will have the best laid plans and nothing goes according to them and we have to be adaptable. Especially, I think, when we have those counseling groups, because I know that I plan really well, plan for my counseling groups. But there have been many times where the needs of the group outweigh my needs for what I have to teach them. And so we'll just take a pause and we will sit there and we'll listen to what the student needs are, and then we'll try to address that because that's really important. So we have to be able to really be flexible and adaptable. And if you are writing your own lesson, or maybe you found one somewhere else and you're teaching it, maybe it's even a curriculum that you have. If it doesn't go as planned, it's okay. You can adapt it for the next time, or you can say what went well or what didn't, or maybe it's a comment that a kid said to you and it just like, dun, dun, dun. You know, the whole lesson went downhill from there. I can't tell you how many times I thought I had planned the perfect lesson only to have one thing throw it off balance, and then it was downhill from there. And then it's okay because you can either reteach it, reteach it in a different way, or do something totally different the next time it's okay. And Mary Beth is right. It's not going to damage any kid because you had a bad lesson. Ellie wants to remind everybody that counselors need their own counselors, and that is true. You might come to a time where you are facing all kinds of stress, maybe things in your own personal life. Maybe it's just the demands of the job and everything else that you are doing. And sometimes we need to talk to someone. And don't be afraid to seek professional help. If you need professional help, it's not a sign of weakness. It's actually a sign of strength, because it means that we are doing something for ourselves, to keep ourselves healthy, to put ourselves in a state of mind that's going to bring us peace, to admit that we are human and we need help really powerful. So don't be afraid to say, I need some help here and I need it for myself. And Kristen writes that she wished that she had known how little she would make. And that is true because we school counselors, they don't really make a lot of money. And there are some places that do. I wouldn't say it's a lot, but it's better than some other states. But overall, for the amount of education that we have, we really, we don't make a ton of money. So that's why, going back to my original statement, we have to be able to invest in ourselves financially. We have to be able to do things that will set us up for long term planning. And once again, if you can seek help for that, go and do it. Banks offer that service for free. I know we have retirement specialists who come into our school and they work with all of the teachers and counselors and whoever else is in the building to help set up, you know, these plans. And those are really good things to do. Even if you think I don't have a whole lot of money, it's really good to invest at least a little something. And Lori says, work stays at work. If it needs to be done, I'll be done at work. I'm not working at home. And she says, thankfully, I learned this early in my career and I feel like I have a good work life balance. It is really important that you are just in the moment. If you are working, you're working. If you're home, you're home. You have to remember to set those boundaries between the two. And we're always going to have a to do list every day. And I don't think in all my years of being a school counselor, I have ever checked all the boxes on my to do list off. I'm hoping for one or two a day and I feel like, hey, that's a great day, so just do what you can. There will always be more work, my friends, but there's not always going to be more time. And I really live by that motto. And it really has taken me a long time to be able to get there. But really, there will always be more work. But there won't always be more time. So spend the time with the people that bring you joy. And that's not always the kid who's at school. I mean, they bring me a lot of joy, but I have a life outside of school as well. And Kiro says it's okay if the school counseling program is not perfect and to stop comparing myself on what I see in social media from other counselors. That is true. When people post things online, they're posting the best of what they do. They're not posting the worst of what they do, they're posting their very best. So you can't really be comparing yourself to all these other things that you see online. You just have to say, where am I now and where do I want to be and how do I get there? How do I move myself from point a to point b? Or maybe where I am is really good. So, please, people, do not compare yourselves to what you see online. And I know from the counseling groups this is a big thing. And it usually hits in September when people are seeing all the beautiful rooms and all the different things that people are posting, and they just feel like they're not there. They're not at the same spot. And it's okay because we all are at different spots. So, yeah, don't compare yourself with people, random people on the Internet. And as we talk about social media, I think the other thing to notice is sometimes you have to block certain accounts or unfollow them and just scroll past them. Because I've noticed that there are a lot of counseling accounts on social media that just are negative. I mean, they try. They're trying to be funny, but they always are focusing on all the negative aspects. And I don't know, after a while, for me personally, that becomes really draining. I don't think it's necessary to just keep poking at that. And that's not a place that, personally, I want to go. Like, I want to be uplifted. I want to be motivated. I don't want to be like, oh, yeah, we don't get paid enough, and, oh, yeah, education is hard, and we are getting slapped and beaten and hit and kicked on by different kids. And this is just ridiculous. Who goes into a career like this? Cause that's out there. I've seen it online. We have to ignore that. I mean, sometimes that stuff happens, but we have to ignore and focus on the good stuff. A friend of mine, Mal, now, pal, if you're out there. Hi. She taught me that not every day is awesome, but there is something awesome in every day. And I think that's really what we have to focus in on now. Says that with her kids. But I think that's good philosophy for us as school counselors. I also want to add in there. Take the lunch. Like you need to eat. You need to practice a little healthcare. You need to set that boundary. You need to refuel yourself so that you have the energy to keep going on. You just can't go straight nonstop without any type of break. It just leads to pure exhaustion. And let's face it, that's not good for anyone. The other piece of advice that personally, I want to share is a lot of people are saying, but all these emergencies keep popping up every day. I want you to know I work in a title one school, too, and there's not emergencies that are popping up all day long. Yes, they pop up, and, yes, I have some teachers that call me more than others, but their classrooms really need a little extra help because of some of the students with behaviors in there. And their behaviors are not what we'd like to see. But overall, not everything is an emergency. And I can still keep a regular schedule, are fairly close to a regular schedule because I schedule in advance, and I know what I have coming up, and I share that schedule with my teachers so that they know when I'm in a classroom because that classroom is going to be my first priority, my counseling group, that is going to be my priority. And I have to also learn to delegate with other people in the building that happen to be free. If there is something that pops up and maybe I am in a class, someone else might have to actually respond to that, and that's okay. So we have to be able to say, not everything is an emergency. And even in emergency rooms, people wait like, there's only a few things that bring them to the head of the line. And it's okay for a kid to cry, and it's okay to have a kid under a desk, and it's okay to. To have a kid that is angry. Cause we all get like that from time to time, but that doesn't mean it's emergency. And I love Carrie's advice. And Carrie says, you are a helper, not a fixer. I don't need to say anything else about that. That is just really good advice. You are a helper, not a fixer. And Rachel also says, take lunch, set the boundaries. And then her other advice is, kids come first, and paperwork is always second. And Amy shares that her advice is how important being the line leader is. If you work in an elementary school, you will totally understand this. But being the line leader is super important in an elementary school, as well as the person who's in charge of passing out the papers. Oh, you don't want to take their job away from them because they will let you know right away. So you have to understand, student jobs at the elementary school. And Tori shares. Don't take student behavior personally. You can't. You can't take anyone else's behavior personally. Even if they say they hate you or they don't like you or you're the worst counselor ever. They're just having a moment and we're going to let them have it because tomorrow they're probably going to love you. Just don't take it personally. Anyway, my friends, that is just some of the advice that we have and things that we wish that we knew earlier in our career. I would love to keep adding this. I loved reading all the responses that came in. So if you have some advice that you want to share, please, I want to hear it because it's stuff like this that really sometimes helps me get through the day and I think it might help other people get through the day as well. Anyway, my friends, I hope that you enjoyed this little episode. And like I said, if you have some advice, I really want to hear it. It's going to be good. Oh, and one last piece of advice I have for you is that don't be afraid to take the day off and go for a training or see how another building does something, or go to a conference, even if you might have to pay for that yourself. And I say that having to have pay for conferences myself because that was just really important for me personally. Not only have conferences really helped me learn something new, but by going I felt that I became a little bit more proficient and easy efficient in what I was doing. Like it made things maybe happen a little faster because I learned something new or I learned a new skill or I learned a new technique. But it also sparked a little bit of excitement and passion back in the career. So don't be afraid to take the day and go for some PD. And if you are looking for PDF, guess what, my friends, we are going to be doing the 2024 summer counselor conference again. I am super excited for this and it is happening July 26 through 28th. The registration forms are out yet, but if you are interested in this, I am going to actually drop the link for the waiting list for when those registration forms do drop in the show notes because we have 40 presenters, well, more than 40 presenters, but we have about 40 sessions, plus two keynotes. And the diversity in what we are offering is just amazing. We have sessions for educators and high school counselors, and middle school counselors and elementary school counselors. Plus we have resources for that go along with sessions so that you are walking away with like all this good stuff to use right away in your counseling program. Plus we have sessions on like working with ell students or mindfulness or anxiety or oh my goodness, I'm trying to think. I'm doing one on community circles and we have some on anxiety and some on separation anxiety. Lots lots of different ones. I can't even name them all, but I hope, my friends, that you come to this as well. Anyway, that's all I wanted to share. Until next time, have a great week. Bye for now.

Carol: Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and@counselingessentials.org podcast. Be sure to hit, follow, or subscribe on your favorite podcast player. And if you would be so kind to leave a review, I'd really appreciate it.

Carol: Want to connect?

Carol: Send me a DM on Facebook or instagramounselingessentials. Until next time. Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.