179. Your First Counseling Small Group Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

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I'm Carol Miller, your host. I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students.

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Hi everyone.

Welcome back to Counselor Chat.

We this is a show where we talk all about the real work of school counseling and share some practical ideas that can make your program,

hopefully your week,

just a little easier.

I'm your host, Carol Miller, and today we're talking about starting your first counseling small group.

Now if you have haven't listened to last week's episode, you might want to go back first and listen to that one first. Because in last week's episode we talked all about which counseling group you should start with first.

So, so now that we've talked about that, it's really,

it's really time to talk about how to really begin your first group.

And so maybe this is your first group of the school year. Maybe you're a brand new counselor preparing to lead your very first group ever.

Or maybe you have run groups before,

but each new group still brings up the same questions. Do I have the right kids?

What if a parent doesn't return the permission form?

How many sessions should I plan?

What rules do I need?

What if they talk too much?

What if they don't talk at all?

And what if the group I carefully planned does not go the way I expected?

Well, here's what I want you to remember. Your first counseling small group.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It needs to be purposeful,

safe,

organized and responsive to your students.

But it doesn't need to be flawless before you begin.

Because if you wait until you have the perfect curriculum, the perfect schedule, the perfect group composition,

maybe even the perfect time of day,

you may never get started.

And so today we're going to walk through how to launch a group quickly and responsibly.

Select your students, handle those permissions,

establish expectations,

and adjust your plan as you learn more about the students sitting with you around the table.

To begin with, you need to start with one clear need.

Your first group. It doesn't need to address every concern in your building.

Just start with one specific need that is Showing up among several students.

Maybe teachers are noticing that a group of students struggle with emotional regulation.

Maybe your attendance data is showing that several students are beginning to miss school regularly. And perhaps students are asking for help with anxiety,

friendship, grief,

confidence,

or even family changes.

Look at your current data rather than automatically repeating the first group you ran last year.

Review those teacher referrals, your surveys,

attendance behavior data,

individual counseling requests,

information that you might have gotten from your MTSS team,

and conversations you had with families.

And then ask yourself what shared skill or need could be addressed effectively in a group.

Because a small group works best when students are working toward a compatible goal.

They don't.

They don't need to have identical experiences, but there really should be a clear reason for bringing them together.

Students who need counseling,

that's just too broad.

But students who need to recognize early signs of frustration and practice regulation strategies,

well, that gives you a clearer direction.

And once you identify that shared need,

write a simple group goal.

For example, by the end of six sessions, students will be able to identify their common triggers and demonstrate at least three strategies for managing frustration.

That one sentence can guide your activities, your conversations,

and help you with progress monitoring.

You really want to, though,

select your students thoughtfully because a group is more than a list of students with similar similar referral forms.

Your group composition. It matters.

And before inviting students,

meet with them briefly and gather information to determine whether a group is a good fit.

I talked about this last week, but I had a group when I really was first starting to run groups. I had a group of girls that I thought, oh,

they are in the middle of all this drama.

They're not getting along. We're going to have a friendship group and it just not,

it did not go well. I had kids in there.

I didn't do that pre screening and I had kids in there that just,

they weren't ready for group and it was a disaster.

So inviting them before going over group rules, the expectations,

your meeting times, and the purpose of the group,

that's going to give you a lot of clues as to whether they're actually ready.

You have to ask yourself,

does the student share the goal of the group?

Is the student ready to participate in a group setting?

And will the student feel emotionally and physically safe with the other members?

Are there ongoing peer conflicts that could interfere with trust?

And would the student benefit from more individual counseling or another type of support?

You have to balance the personalities within that group.

And a group of six students who all struggle to wait a turn may require more structure than you can realistically provide and a group made entirely of students who are reluctant to speak.

They may need additional activities that make participation feel less intimidating.

This doesn't mean every group needs the perfect mix of personalities.

It just means you need to think about how the students are likely to interact and start with the number that you can manage. Well,

you can always expand your group program after you gain a little bit experience.

So if you're looking at the we, the we little loves those kindergartners, first and even second graders,

four is probably a good number to stick with.

Any more than that, it could be like you're herding cats.

And then it completely takes away from the overall purpose of trying to provide them some really purposeful strategies as they get a little bit older. You can expand that.

So like your mid elementary to upper elementary,

you can go up to about 6.

And then for your older kids,

I wouldn't put more than eight kids in a room. And sometimes even eight is way too many.

I used to think that I always needed an even number,

but that's not necessarily true.

Sometimes the odd number works out well.

If you have three kids,

it's great. They can still work together. They can take turns, participate.

But don't worry whether you have an odd number or an even number,

you can really make anything work.

You also want to really decide on a manageable structure because your first group, it doesn't have to last 12 weeks.

In fact, a shorter group can make it easier to get started,

obtain permission, schedule sessions,

maintain attendance, and measure progress.

So consider planning six sessions that lasts approximately 25 to 40 minutes. I always think 30 minutes is the sweet spot.

And depending on the students,

and this all of course depends on the student's ages and your schedule.

Sometimes you may not get that bulk of time. When I worked in a middle school, I didn't have a whole lot of time.

And the only time that I could pull them was during recess or lunch. And so I would have them for 15 to 20 minutes.

So 20 minutes I would have them if they all brought their own lunch, but 15 minutes if they had to stop at the lunchroom first and get their lunch,

which meant it was a short time.

So I would actually book two days together. So I would have kids maybe Tuesday and Wednesday or Thursday and Friday,

something to that combination so that I could over the two days have like one normal session.

And it's okay to do things like that too. You don't have to wait a week between sessions, especially if you're breaking a lesson into two.

You also want to make sure that you have a simple structure for every meeting.

Maybe start with a brief check in,

review the previous week's skill,

have one clear lesson or activity,

and then take the time to practice or discuss the skill,

and then end with a really short closing or checkout with maybe a little summary question to understand if they understood the objectives of that week's lesson.

Because our students,

they really benefit from knowing what to expect.

And you'd benefit from having a routine that doesn't have to require reinventing every single session.

And here's the other thing.

You also do not need 10 activities prepared for every meeting.

One meaningful activity with enough time for discussion and practice is often more effective than rushing through an entire stack of worksheets.

Now, before launching your group, you have to follow your school and your district's protocols for parent and guardian notification and permission.

Where I am,

we treat our groups, our small groups,

as the same with the way you would if it was like a reading or a math intervention.

And so we provide parental notification. We write up exactly what we're going to do and what's going to be covered during the sessions and how long we're meeting and all that good stuff.

And we send that notification home to our parents. But I've also worked in places where we have sent opt out forms. You know, send this back if you wish to opt out of the lesson or the small group.

And some schools in some states,

they want permission, like explicit permission. My child has permission to join this group.

And so you really have to know your school and your district procedures and then really follow them if you're having trouble.

If your school requires permission,

you want to get those permission slips out ahead of time. And you might also need multiple copies and multiple ways for them to get home.

I like to hand them to the kids to bring home.

But now there's things like parent square and email and all that kind of stuff that makes it easier to get that information to parents.

And sometimes even just a quick email, this is what we're doing. Here's the letter.

Even if you can't return that form to me,

just send me an,

you know, a reply to this email that you are granting permission.

And that's usually enough.

You can just print that out and attach it and you're good to go.

But your permission form, it really should clearly explain whether it's a notification or permission,

the general purpose of the group, the skills or the topics that are going to be addressed,

the number and approximate length of the sessions,

when the group will meet,

that participation is voluntary and how families can contact you with questions.

You want to keep that language clear and family friendly.

And avoid using labels that might make a child feel diagnosed or singled out.

And instead of calling it an anger group, you might describe it as an emotional regulation or coping skills group.

And instead of writing that a child has poor social skills, explain that the group will help students practice communication,

cooperation, and friendship skills.

Make sure you get those forms out early.

And the other thing that you want to do is make sure that you have a return date.

You also need to have a system for tracking which forms have been returned and which families need a reminder.

And if a form doesn't come back, do not assume that a family's saying no.

Like I said papers, they can disappear into a backpack. It's like going into the land of the abyss.

So follow up with a phone call, email,

or send a second printed copy home.

That might just solve the problem.

And if you speak with families directly,

really explain why you believe the group may benefit their kid.

Invite questions and respect their decision.

And here's the thing,

you also need the student to want to participate. You can't force them.

So. And even though a parent or guardian gives permission, talk with the student about the group, explain what it will be like, and invite the student to actually participate.

Because a student who feels tricked or forced into the group is less likely to be honest,

is more likely to put up a big stink,

and can totally derail your entire group process.

Now, after you have all the permission slips and you're good to go,

your first session, you really need to establish the expectations of the group, and you need to do that together.

Because your first session, it sets the tone for everything that follows. It's kind of like your first lesson. You go in, you explain your role, but you also, like, let them know what your basic rules are, what your expectations for them are.

And the same is in a group,

you don't want them.

You don't have to feel pressured to jump immediately into curriculum. You can kind of ease into it.

Use your first session to help students really understand the purpose,

to get your routines down pat, and to start building trust.

You want to also explain confidentiality and really student friendly language.

It's really important, my friends, not to compromise confidentiality or not to promise complete confidentiality,

because group members and counselors have limits on what they can keep private.

But you really want to set clear expectations with the kids.

One person talks at a time.

Everyone has the right to pass.

We listen without making fun of someone we respect. Another's privacy.

We use respectful words in action.

We give everyone a chance to participate and we tell an adult if someone may be unsafe.

But we type it up, we write it out,

and we post it in our room.

And you want it short enough so that kids actually remember and you want it visible so that when a kid isn't following the rule,

you can refer back to it.

And here's the thing,

students,

they're often more invested in those expectations when they've helped create it. And if you ask them to sign it, ooh, you really got their buy in.

The goal of all of this is to protect your group. Not to punish students for being imperfect, but to keep the group safe.

With that first session,

you really want your first activity to be pretty low risk.

Sometimes you'll have kids that know each other, but sometimes they're coming from different classes and they don't really know each other or they're brand new to the school and they're still trying to figure things out.

So use a really simple get to know you game.

Maybe some interest questions, a feeling check in,

or some type of activity that doesn't require students to real to really reveal anything deeply personal about themselves.

So I usually like to just start with some real basic fun get to know you type of questions. It gets them laughing and giggling and you actually learn quite a bit about the kids just with those simple questions.

The other thing to really remember is that some kids talk a lot and other kids do not.

But silence,

it's not a sign that your group is failing.

Sometimes it's just remember you have to remind yourself that some kids are, they're still participating because they might not have anything to say. And just like when we run our circles, passing is participating.

They're there, they're active,

they might not be vocal,

but they're a part of the group and that's what we want.

You also want to collect some simple baseline information.

You don't need a complicated research study, but you do need a way to figure out whether or not the group helped.

I really like to do pre and post test and this first session I'm going to be doing the pre test with the kids.

I might give them just a brief rating scale or have them answer a few questions that are all about the targeted skills that I want them to develop over the course of the group.

And then I'll use that same test at the very last session to see if things improve. Did they change? Have they really acquired the skills that I want them to know?

The purpose is really it's not to prove that every student changed dramatically.

It's to determine what our students learned, where they made progress, and what support they may still need.

And one thing's for certain,

you can expect the plan to change. You can create a beautiful six session outline and still discover during the first two meetings that your students they need something different.

Maybe you plan to teach five coping strategies,

but the students need more time to recognize their triggers.

Maybe a friendship group keeps returning to the topic of handling teasing.

Maybe your attendance group reveals that transportation,

not motivation, is the greatest barrier.

That information should influence your plan because your curriculum, it's a guide,

not a script. You have to follow regardless of what the students show you.

Sometimes we need to slow down, we need to repeat a skill. We have to add more practice.

Sometimes we replace an activity or we shorten the amount of discussion.

Sometimes we also realize that a student is not a good fit for the group.

And if that happens,

you have to really consider the student's needs pretty carefully and then create a transition plan rather than just abruptly removing them without explanation or support and adjusting your group. My friends, it doesn't mean that you plan poorly.

It just means you're responding to your students and their needs.

Another thing to really remember, especially if you're brand spanking new or if you have struggled with groups before in the past,

is do not let one difficult session define your group.

At some point you might have a group session that feels like a disaster.

Like I said, been there, done that.

And it could be that someone's refusing to participate.

Two students cannot stop making each other laugh.

One's always underneath a table.

You have an activity that looks so wonderful on paper, but it fell completely flat.

Or maybe the bell rings before you reach the most important part of the lesson.

Sometimes you just you finish the lesson and you wonder, did anyone learn anything at all?

One difficult session doesn't mean your group is failing.

Afterwards, just ask yourself what worked? Where did the students lose interest?

Was the activity appropriate for their age and needs?

Were the directions clear?

Did I try to fit too much into one session?

Does the group need more movement? Do they need visuals, structure,

or just opportunities to practice?

And is there a student I should check in with individually?

You don't have to build the entire group because one activity didn't work.

Just think about what you need to fix and switch up a little bit and then make those one or two changes before your next meeting,

before your next meeting.

As those small adjustments, they really can make a big difference.

And then track what you learn.

Keep brief notes after each session you might record what skill was addressed, who attended,

what the students understood, what needs more practice,

any concerns that require follow up, and what do you want to change the next time you run the group.

And these notes will help you plan the next session and improve the group in the future when you plan to run it again.

And by the end of the cycle, you're going to have something more valuable than a perfect binder.

You're going to have a curriculum that has been tested with real students and you're going to know which activities create meaningful discussion, which directions need clarification,

and which sessions just require more time.

Your first group helps you build the group. You will run even more confidently the next time.

And if you are waiting to feel

completely ready,

you might be waiting for a very long time.

You don't need a clear purpose,

appropriate student selection, family permission.

You just need to get going.

You don't have to have every sentence scripted or elaborate decorations.

You don't have to have 12 different games or to predict every possible challenge.

Just start with that one identified need.

Choose a manageable number of kids,

plan a simple structure,

create a sense of belonging and listen closely.

Adjust as you go.

Your students do not need a perfect group counselor.

They just need someone who's prepared,

present,

curious and willing to respond to what they need.

Your first counseling small group will teach you things no training or curriculum can fully prepare you for.

And that's not something to fear.

That's just how we grow confidence.

So send the permission forms,

choose the start date, prepare the first activity, and invite the students in.

Begin with what you have,

pay attention to what happens,

and trust yourself enough to make changes along the way.

Your group it doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful.

I hope that this was help,

was helpful for you and gives you a little bit more confidence to start your next group.

So until next time, my friends, I hope you have a really great week.

Bye for now.

Thanks for listening to today's episode of Counselor Chat. All of the links I talked about can be found in the show notes and at counselingessentials.org podcast.

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Until next time.

Can't wait till we chat. Bye for now.