173. Nice Bike: Three Small Actions That Can Change School Culture

You're listening to the Counselor Chat podcast, a show for school counselors looking for easy to implement strategies, how to tips, collaboration, and a little spark of joy.

I'm Carol Miller, your host. I'm a full time school counselor and the face behind counseling essentials. I'm all about creating simplified systems, data driven practices, and using creative approaches to engage students.

If you're looking for a little inspiration to help help you make a big impact on student growth and success, you're in the right place. Because we're better together.

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Hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of Counselor Chat.

We are talking here all about the real work of school counseling. I mean, the changes we face,

the small and practical ways we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of students and staff,

and all the stuff in between.

I'm your host, Carol Miller and today I want to talk about two simple words.

Two words that may not sound especially powerful.

Two words that do not require a complicated strategy, a professional development session or brand new school wide initiative.

And those two words are Nice bike.

Now, depending on where you are listening to this episode, you might be wondering what motorcycles have to do with school counseling.

But this story is really not about motorcycles. It's about connection.

It's about what happens when we take the time to notice someone,

honor them and make them feel like they belong.

And it's about how small interactions can completely change the feeling of a school.

So several years ago,

a speaker and author,

Mark Scherembre,

I actually got to meet Mark a few years ago while he was speaking to a group of state leaders at the Ask A conference. It wasn't during that conference, it was right before in what's called as their leadership development Leadership Development Institute, which is now called Elevate.

But anyway, it's where all these state leaders get together and we talk about not only the future of school counseling and the direction where we want it to go,

but it's there to help inspire us and to really help us understand our counselors and our constituents.

And so he actually started sharing his work and it was just,

I mean, it's been years now and I still remember it.

So when Mark was at this Harley Davidson 100th anniversary celebration, I mean, thousands and thousands of motorcycle riders had traveled around the world just to attend.

Now,

I know when you picture a large group of Harley Davidson riders, you might imagine people who look tough,

intimidating, and maybe A little bit rough around the edges.

And Mark could have walked past these people without saying anything. He could have kept his distance,

and he could have allowed his assumptions to stop him from interaction.

But instead, when he came face to face with one of the bikers, he said to two simple words,

nice bike.

And that was it.

The silence and the tension, it immediately disappeared.

And the biker's face just lit up.

And then a conversation began.

In two short words, Mark had acknowledged something that mattered to that person.

He had shown interest, and he created a connection.

And that phrase eventually became a message about how we build. Build stronger relationships and stronger communities.

And the idea is based on three small actions.

Acknowledge,

honor,

and connect.

And when I think about those three actions,

I can't help but think about schools.

Because schools are filled with people who want to be seen.

Students want to be seen, and our teachers want to be seen.

Support staff want to be seen. Families want to be be seen, and let's face it, school counselors. Well, we want to be seen, too.

And so often we think improving school culture requires this big,

grandiose plan.

I mean, we think that we need a committee, a theme,

some sort of campaign,

matching T shirts,

or even an entire calendar of events.

And while those things can be wonderful,

I mean, Lisa, I love a good matching T shirt.

But sometimes changing school culture begins with something so much smaller.

It begins with noticing someone,

and it begins with saying thank you.

It begins with asking a question and actually listening to the answer.

And it begins with our own version of nice bike.

And so the first action that we need to do is to acknowledge.

And to acknowledge someone really means that we notice them. We notice, and we recognize that they are there.

We let them know that they matter.

And I know that this sounds simple, but think about how easy it is to move through a school day without truly seeing the people around us.

We're rushing to a meeting.

We are answering an email.

We are thinking about the student who's waiting in our office.

We are carrying supplies to the classroom lesson.

It's kind of like going back to last week's episode in the train station where everybody was too busy to notice the wonderful thing that was going on there.

I mean,

and that's us, too. We're trying to remember the five things we need to do before lunch.

And in the middle of all that rushing, we may walk right past people without really noticing them.

Guess what?

Our students notice that.

And staff members, they notice it, too.

And acknowledging someone might be as simple as saying their name when you greet them.

Good Morning, Jordan.

Hi, Mrs. Taylor. How you doing today? It's good to see you.

And for a student, it might sound something like this.

I noticed you came to school every day this week.

I saw you helping another student in the hallway.

You looked frustrated earlier. How are you doing now?

And those statements they tell people,

I see you seen.

It's powerful.

There are students who walk through the school day feeling invisible.

They may not be the highest achieving student. They may not be the student who gets into trouble. And they may not be the student teachers are worried about.

They simply move quietly through the day.

And sometimes those are the students who need acknowledgment the most.

A quick greeting, a compliment, or question can become the moment that tells them that they belong.

The same is true for our staff.

There are people in our buildings doing important work every day who may rarely hear that their work is noticed.

The school secretary who manages 100 interruptions before 9 o' clock in the morning.

The custodian who makes sure a spill is clean before someone slips.

The cafeteria worker, who knows which student may need a little extra food.

That teaching assistant who patiently supports a student through a difficult moment.

And the bus driver who greets students every single morning.

Maybe it's the teacher who stays after school to help a student understand an assignment.

Acknowledging people does not require a formal recognition program.

It simply requires us to pay attention.

Now, the second action in all this is to honor.

Acknowledgment says, I see you, but honor says,

what you do matters.

And this is where we move beyond simply noticing someone and take the time to recognize their contribution.

For example, instead of saying, only thank you for helping with that student, we might say,

thank you for staying calm with him when he was upset.

The way you spoke to him helped him feel safe.

And instead of saying, great job on the lesson, we might say,

I noticed how engaged the students were during your lesson.

You've really created a space where they feel comfortable participating.

Specific recognition feels a lot different from a general compliment.

It tells someone exactly what they did and why it mattered.

And this is so important in schools because so much of the work we do is so difficult to measure in the moment.

I mean, a teacher may spend weeks helping a student gain confidence and never see the full result.

As counselors, we may have conversations with a student and wonder whether the student heard any of it.

And a staff member may quietly support a child every morning without anyone realizing how important that routine has become.

I think when we honor someone's contribution,

we remind them that that their work has value,

even when the outcome is not immediately visible.

And students, they need this too.

We can honor students by recognizing effort, courage, growth, and character.

We might say,

I know speaking in front of the class was difficult for you and you did it anyway.

Or I noticed that you included someone who was sitting alone.

Or you took responsibility for what happened even though it was uncomfortable.

You did not give up when the work became difficult.

That kind of feedback, it's more meaningful than simply saying good job.

It helps students understand what they are doing well,

and it reinforces the kind of person that they are becoming.

And it helps build a culture in which people recognize the good in one another.

Now, the third action in all of this is to connect.

Connection happens when we move from noticing someone to building a relationship with them.

That doesn't mean every interaction needs to become a long emotional conversation.

Because connection, it can happen in a few seconds.

It happens when we ask a follow up question.

It happens when we remember something someone told us.

It happens when we circle back later.

Maybe a teacher,

maybe a teacher mentioned that her child had a big game over the weekend.

On Monday, you ask how the game went.

Maybe a student told you he was nervous about a math test and the next day you checked in and asked how he feels it went.

And maybe a staff member shared that she was having a difficult week and a few days later you stop and ask how she's doing.

Those follow up communicate.

Those follow ups communicate something important.

They say, I listen to you.

They say, I remembered.

And they say, you mattered enough for me to check back.

And that's how relationships are built.

Not through one giant gesture, but through small moments of consistent care.

As counselors, we understand the importance of relationships.

And students are much more likely to seek help when they trust us.

And teachers are more likely to collaborate when they feel respected.

Families are more likely to communicate openly when they feel heard rather than judged.

But connection cannot only happen when there is a crisis.

If the only time we speak with a teacher is when we need something,

that relationship may feel transactional.

If the only time we call a family is is when there's a problem,

they may begin to dread seeing the school's number.

And if the only time a student sees us is when something has gone wrong,

they might assume counseling is a punishment.

Connection needs to happen before the difficult moments.

And that is what gives us something to stand on when those difficult moments arise.

So what might your version of nice bike look like?

It might be telling a teacher,

hey, I saw the way you welcomed that new student this morning. You made that transition feel A little less scary.

They might be saying to a student that drawing on your notebook is really creative. Did you make?

Could be telling a custodian,

thank you for always making sure my room is ready for groups. I really appreciate it.

And it might be asking a colleague,

how did your presentation go yesterday?

It could also be leaving a note on someone's desk or sending a quick email.

Might be stopping in the hallway instead of rushing past.

The words themselves are not the most important part.

What matters is the message underneath them.

I see you.

I value you.

I am interested in you.

You belong here.

Those are the messages that change school culture.

And one of the most powerful things about these small actions is that they rarely stop with one person.

When people feel seen, they are more likely to see others. And when people feel appreciated, they are more likely to express appreciation.

And when people feel connected,

they are more likely to create connection.

That's the ripple effect.

A counselor thanks a teacher. The teacher feels encouraged and gives a student a little bit more patient. The student feels supported and chooses to include someone else at lunch.

One small action moves outward.

We may never see all the places it reaches.

And that can be difficult for us because we often want to know whether our work is making a difference.

I mean, we want the evidence, we want the data. We want to know that the lesson, work, the conversation mattered, where the intervention helped.

And while data is incredibly important,

some of our impact may not show up on a spreadsheet.

My friends, I know I have said this more than one time.

It may show up in how a student remembers school years later.

It may show up in how a teacher speaks to a struggling child.

May show up in how a family feels when they walk into the building.

You may show up and whether someone feels like they belong.

Sometimes the most important impact begins with a very ordinary moment.

So I have a challenge for you this week.

Choose three people in your school community.

One student,

one staff member,

and one person you don't regularly interact with.

And I want you to acknowledge them,

honor something that they are doing,

and create a small moment of connection.

You don't need to make it complicated.

You don't need to write a speech.

You don't need to organize a school wide campaign.

Just pay attention.

Notice something,

say something,

ask a question,

follow up,

find your own version of Nice bike and then keep doing it.

Because school culture is not built through one special event.

It's built through the way that people are treated every single day.

It's built in the hallway, in the faculty room,

at the front desk.

It's built during arrival and dismissal in classrooms, cafeterias, counseling offices, and staff meetings.

It's built one interaction at a time.

As counselors, we have a unique opportunity to influence the emotional tone of our building.

We may not control every decision, and we may not be able to solve every problem,

but we can help people feel seen,

we can recognize their contributions, and we can create connections.

And sometimes two simple words are enough to open the door.

Nice bike.

So thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Counselor Chat.

Remember, as you move through the week, I hope you look for the people who may need a little acknowledgement,

a little encouragement,

or a reminder that what they do matters.

So until next time, I hope you have a really great week.

Bye for now.

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